The second instalment of my irregular series of character answers from very old My Space questionaires.
The Mob.
1. Three words to describe how you're feeling right now?
Louie... fix 'im.
2. Who was the last guy you hugged?
That woudda been, Vinnie yesterday. He iced some clown, downtown and he'd been a pain in our ass for some time now.
3. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Oh, you wants to know when I'll not be awake, doos yer? Well, dat's nat for yer to know, capice?
4. What are you currently doing?
You ask a lotta questions, yer know dat?
5. Have you told anyone you loved them today?
Everyday, I tell my wife that if she continues not to bo'in my lunch then I won't have her whacked. I think she knows what I mean.
6. Where is your best friend right now?
In dis woyild, yer can't have no friends. But I've known Legs and Louie since we wuz kids anni kin trust 'em more'en anysbody.
7. Do you like anybody?
Why should I like anybody when they've never offered me friendship and then come to me and ask for a favour, on this, the day of my daughter's weddin'.
8. Do you miss anybody?
Never, if I'm aimmin' then the schmoe is goin' down.
9. Do you have plans for tomorrow?
I'm going to walk the streets and be offered things by poor people from stalls.
10. What are you listening to right now?
Someone is havin' their mind changed with baseball bats in the cellar, right now. So I'm listening to dat.
11. Are you a generally clean or messy person?
Is this some kind of a joke? You're actually asking me if I'm, shut up a minute, if I'M clean or not. Oh, yous is very lucky. If I wasn't a business associate of your father then I would take that insult real personal, like.
12. What's your favorite color?
Dark red. The colour of mama's pasta sauce... and the blood of any schmoe who tries to meddle with my business.
13. Have you ever liked anyone on your top friends?
What is this? Am I a homo now? So now I'm a homo? You gat some real stones, there pal.
14. Do you find members of the opposite sex confusing?
Look, I's gonna tell yer this one time and one time only, the only reason a man can't unnerstan' a broad is cuz he ain't hit her hard enough yet. You know what I'm sayin'. An' I'm only sayin' this cuz I like you.
15. What was the reason behind the last time you cried?
I hadda have my brother, Michael, whacked for disrespectin' the family to one o' my business rivals. The thoid time they lowered him into the vat, I shed a tear for what coodda been.
16. Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
My family. Any man who doesn't spend time with his family, can't really call himself a real man.
17. Are you going to be alone tonight?
I will go to my favourite rest-a-runt and enjoy some of the cooking from the old country and then cigars at Vincenzo's later. Good man, Vincenzo.
18. When is the last time you saw a movie in theaters?
I saw tha one with dat guy with allatha faces. Funny guy.
19. Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can’t?
Nah, in my family if someone's a jerk, we'll callya a jerk, if yer an asshole, we'll callya an asshole, if yer a slut, we'll call yer my brother's wife. If yer somthin', then you'll know.
20. What are you doing tonight?
Didn'I jus' answer that question 'o yers a minute ago. No, answer me. Didn'I just.. shut your mouth, didn'I jus answe... shut your goddamn mouth. 'At's right, I answers yer arready.
21. What is one thing you can't wait for?
My wife to finally give me a son. A strong, son to take over my empire.
22. How has the week been?
It ain't been bad. I hadda coupla mooks whacked an' business is up.
23. When is the last time you saw number 1 on your top?
It's been to long, my friend, my brother. You understand me like no other.
24. Do you believe in gay marriage?
What are yer tryin' to say? You implyin' somthin'? You sayin' I make with the homoisms? I don't think I like yer tone.
25. What's a lyric from the song you're listening to?
“I did it my way” by Ole Blue Eyes. Ahh, now there was a guy. Frankie's still missed.
26. What are you happy about?
I'm happy that my cousin, Fingers, is doin' so well in the Pen. He's a smart boy, he'll go far.
27. Who was the last person to say hey to you?
Ok, let's get one thing clear. People don't say 'hey' to me. You gat dat?
28. What is to your right?
A heavily armed and deeply trusted bodyguard.
29. Where is your brother?
Which one?
30. What are you wearing?
A Navy blue pinstripe suit an' spatz.
31. Who are you proud of?
Alla the guys who show me respect and hard work.
32. Weakness about yourself?
You know yous gats some mouth on yer, yer know dat? I let you in here, I share my wine with you an' all yer kin do is throw, shut the fuck up, is throw it back, shut up, shut the fuck up, is throw it back in my face.
33. Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
This is the last time I'm gonna warn yer about the homo-talk.
34. When was the last time you felt stupid?
I ain't never done nothin' stupid and you'd do well to remember dat, capice?
35. What did you do today?
Yer know, I don' think you can get yourself back into my good graces jus' yet.
36. Who is the last person you shared a bed with?
Nonnayer goddamn business, yer mook.
37. What's the next sporting event you'll watch?
Possibly my guys vs. the question-askin' bastard.
Until next time I sign off with the 2 commandments...
Be Excellent To Each Other.
Party On, Dudes
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